Midnight feedings, diapers, tantrums, unconditional love, finger paints, bedtime stories, spilled milk...repeat. If you've ever felt like you've lost a piece of yourself in the whirlwind of motherhood, let me assure you: you're not alone. You’re on the wild ride of matrescence - the transformational journey of motherhood that reshapes not just your body, but your entire sense of self. 

Amidst the chaos and overwhelming love, you might find yourself grappling with questions like, "Who am I now?" or "What happened to the 'me' I used to know?" And guess what, apparently it's all part of the process. 

Matrescence, that sounds much like adolescence, was a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael. It describes the psychological and emotional changes a woman goes through as she becomes a mother. It's like puberty, but with stretch marks and sleepless nights instead of acne and awkward growth spurts. 

Research shows that matrescence is a profound journey that involves rewiring your brain, reshaping your priorities, and redefining your identity.  So it's totally normal and healthy to be asking questions like "who am I now?"  because it's a completely normal process. You might feel a little lost or overwhelmed along the way of finding and redefining yourself on your motherhood journey and you're definitely not alone. 

So, how do we navigate this uncharted territory with grace and sanity intact? Here are a few tips to make the journey of matrescence a little smoother:

• Embrace the Mess: 

Motherhood is messy. From spit-up stains to sleepless nights, it's easy to get caught up in the chaos. But amidst the mess, there's beauty. Embrace the imperfections, and remember that perfect is overrated (and actually not the goal). 

• Find Your People: Surround yourself with fellow moms who get it. Whether it's joining a mom's group, attending a breastfeeding support circle, or simply reaching out to a friend who's been there, having a supportive community can make all the difference. 

• Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine, whether it's taking a long bath, going for a walk, or simply reading a book cozied up with a cup of herbal tea. Remind yourself that taking care of yourself isn't selfish - it's necessary for your well-being, and the well-being of your family.

• Rediscover Yourself:  Let me start by saying that rediscovery is different than self-care. Rediscovery is about putting energy towards your passions and hobbies that define you outside of motherhood. Yes, you're a mom now, but you're also so much more. It might take a hot minute to figure out what your passions and interests are outside of your beloved children. Carve out time in your day or week, start small, and start exploring what you may enjoy putting your energy towards. It might be volunteering at a local organization, bird watching, or buying house plants to take care of. Remembering who you are outside of motherhood is essential for maintaining your wellbeing.

• Give Yourself Grace: You're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough. It's okay to have bad days, to feel overwhelmed, and to make mistakes. Sow the seed of self-compassion, and remember that you're doing one of the hardest jobs in the world.

To all the mamas out there navigating the messy, awkward, yet beautiful journey of matrescence, I see you. You're stronger than you know, and you're not alone. Embrace the chaos, find your people, and remember to rediscover and take care of yourself along the way. And above all, know that your identity as a mother is just one piece of the beautiful mosaic that makes you who you are. You've got this.

Warmly,

Shoshanna Rome. Therapist and mother of two. 

The holiday season can be a magical time, filled with joy, laughter, and special moments with loved ones. However, for many parents, this time of year can also bring a whirlwind of stress, expectations, and overwhelming responsibilities. Amidst the to-do lists of decorating, shopping, cooking, and coordinating family gatherings, it's the time to prioritize your well-being more than ever. Here are some coping strategies to help you (and me!) navigate the holidays and find moments of peace amidst the chaos.

Prioritize Self-Care

As a parent, you may find yourself putting your family's needs before your own. However, taking care of yourself is essential. Make self-care a priority by setting aside time for activities that rejuvenate YOU. Whether it's a quiet moment with a book, a bubble bath, a walk in nature, or pouring yourself a cup of herbal tea, these gestures of self love and self care may seem small, but can fill your bucket.

Set Realistic Expectations

The pressure to create picture-perfect holidays can be overwhelming, and social media doesn’t help. Remind yourself that it's okay if everything doesn't go exactly as planned. Set realistic expectations and be kind to yourself. Prioritize what truly matters to you and let go of the need for everything to be picture perfect.

Delegate and Collaborate

You don't have to do it all alone. Delegate tasks and involve your family in holiday preparations. Whether it's decorating the house, wrapping gifts, or preparing meals, sharing responsibilities can foster a sense of togetherness and lighten your load.

Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude

Amidst the chaos, take moments to practice mindfulness. Whether it's through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply being present in the moment, mindfulness can help alleviate stress and bring us into the present moment. Additionally, noticing gratitude can bring appreciation for what is right in your world.

Set Boundaries

Learn to say no when necessary. It's okay to decline invitations or limit commitments if it means preserving your well-being. Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy balance during the holiday season.

Seek Support

Remember, you'e not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups if you're feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, sharing your feelings and experiences can provide comfort, perspective, and connection.

Celebrate Traditions, Create New Ones

Traditions hold special significance during the holidays. Embrace and celebrate cherished traditions while also being open to creating new ones. It's these rituals that often create the most enduring memories for you and your family.

Reflect and Recharge

Take time to reflect on the past year and set intentions for the upcoming one. Use this time for introspection, gratitude, and setting achievable goals for the new year. Taking a break to recharge and plan ahead can provide a sense of purpose and direction. 

The holiday season can be a challenging time for parents, but with mindfulness, self-love, and a focus on your values, it can also be incredibly rewarding. By implementing these coping strategies, you may navigate the holidays with more ease and find joy in the precious moments shared with your family and friends. Amidst the hustle and bustle, prioritize and cherish yourself, you deserve it.

Warmly,

Shoshanna. Therapist and mother of two. 

Parenting is an incredibly rewarding experience, but let’s be real—it’s also one of the most difficult challenges anyone can face. The demands of caring for children, especially when they are young, can test even the most patient and well-prepared parent. It’s no surprise that many moms find themselves grappling with an intense, almost primal form of anger that can feel deeply unsettling. Commonly referred to as "mom rage," this emotional surge often comes on suddenly and can leave us feeling out of control, ashamed, and consumed with guilt.

If you’ve ever raised your voice at your child or felt overwhelmed by the frustration that bubbles over during a particularly trying day, you're not alone. "Mom rage" is a common experience, and it’s important to recognize that feeling anger in these moments doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human.

What Is "Mom Rage"?

"Mom rage" refers to an intense, sudden anger that many mothers feel while parenting. It can feel like a pressure cooker, where each small stressor builds upon the last until, in a moment of frustration, you explode. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re yelling over spilled milk, toys scattered across the floor, or repeated requests to put shoes on.

It’s not that the individual stressors are monumental; it’s that the cumulative effect of endless to-do lists, lack of sleep, and the emotional toll of always being "on" begins to weigh heavily. Add to that the societal expectations of mothers to be endlessly patient and nurturing, and it becomes easier to see how "mom rage" can appear out of nowhere.

But this anger isn’t just about the spilled milk or tantrums. Often, "mom rage" is a symptom of something deeper—a sign that we’re feeling disconnected from ourselves, overwhelmed by responsibility, and struggling to manage the multitude of emotions that come with parenting.

The Guilt That Follows

For many moms, the guilt that follows an outburst can be as overwhelming as the anger itself. It’s common to feel immense shame after yelling at your child. You might think to yourself, "I should be better than this," or "I can’t believe I lost it over something so small." The immediate regret can leave you feeling like you’ve failed, both as a mother and as a person.

These feelings of guilt often stem from the unrealistic pressures society places on moms to always have it together, to remain calm and composed no matter what. But the truth is, parenting is hard. It's okay to have moments where you feel like you’re at your breaking point. These moments don’t define you as a parent, nor do they erase the love, care, and effort you pour into your children every day.

Why Does "Mom Rage" Happen?

"Mom rage" happens for several reasons, many of which are entirely understandable given the demands of modern motherhood:

1. Exhaustion: The constant demands of caring for children—especially if you're balancing work, household chores, and other responsibilities—can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. When we're tired, our patience wears thin, and our ability to regulate emotions diminishes.

2. Feeling Overstimulated: Parenting young children often means being surrounded by noise, mess, and constant activity. This overstimulation can push our nervous systems into overdrive, making it harder to stay calm.

3. Loss of Identity: Many moms feel like they’ve lost touch with who they were before children. The shift from focusing on yourself to focusing entirely on your kids can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even a sense of mourning for the person you once were.

4. Unmet Needs: Moms often prioritize their children’s needs over their own. When your emotional and physical needs go unmet for long periods, it can create a sense of deprivation that contributes to feelings of anger and resentment.

How to Cope with "Mom Rage"

While it's important to acknowledge that "mom rage" is a normal part of parenting, it’s equally important to find ways to cope with it so it doesn’t interfere with your relationship with your children—or your well-being.

Here are some strategies to help you manage "mom rage" and create space for self-compassion:

1. Recognize the Triggers

Take some time to notice the situations that tend to trigger your anger. Is it when the kids aren’t listening? When the house is a mess? When you’re running late? Becoming aware of these patterns can help you prepare for moments when your patience is likely to be tested.

2. Take Breaks

It’s easy to feel like you have to be "on" all the time as a parent, but taking breaks is crucial for your emotional well-being. Even a short break—five minutes in a quiet room, stepping outside for fresh air, or taking a quick shower—can give you the space you need to reset. When you feel your anger rising, take a step back if you can. Ask a partner, friend, or family member to take over for a bit so you can regroup.

3. Practice Deep Breathing

In moments of intense frustration, your body’s fight-or-flight response is triggered, making it harder to think clearly. Deep breathing is a simple but effective way to calm your nervous system and regain control. Try inhaling deeply for four counts, holding for four counts, and exhaling for four counts. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.

4. Repair the Relationship

No parent is perfect, and it’s inevitable that we’ll have moments where we lose our temper. What matters is how we handle the aftermath. After an outburst, take time to repair the relationship with your child. Apologize and explain that your anger wasn’t their fault. Use age-appropriate language to help them understand that you were feeling overwhelmed and that everyone has moments when they lose their cool. This not only strengthens your bond but also models healthy emotional regulation for your child.

5. Ask for Help

Parenting can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to ask for help—from a partner, family member, friend, or a therapist. Joining a support group for moms or talking to a counselor can provide a space to process your emotions and feel supported in your journey.

6. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Taking time to care for yourself, whether it’s through exercise, hobbies, or simply resting, can replenish your emotional reserves and make it easier to handle the ups and downs of parenting. When you prioritize your own well-being, you’re better equipped to show up as the parent you want to be.

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve experienced "mom rage," know that you’re not alone. Many mothers go through similar challenges, and feeling angry doesn’t make you any less of a loving parent. Remember, you’re doing your best under incredibly challenging circumstances. Parenting is a lifelong learning process, and each day presents new opportunities for growth, patience, and compassion—for both yourself and your children.

When you have difficult moments, try to meet them with grace and understanding. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that you’re not failing—you’re navigating one of the most demanding jobs in the world. By taking steps to manage your emotions and repair relationships with your children, you’re modeling resilience and emotional intelligence, both of which are invaluable gifts to your family.

The journey of motherhood is full of ups and downs, and no one has it all figured out. The fact that you care enough to want to be a better parent is already proof of your love and commitment. So the next time you find yourself overwhelmed by frustration, remember: it’s okay to take a break, ask for help, and show yourself the same compassion that you give to your children.

Warmly,

Shoshanna. Therapist and mother of two.